To Be Human
by Becca Stareyes
Summary: What is it to be human? Is it just biology, or is it how we think and act. And if we keep thinking of ourselves as not human, do we actually become inhuman? Zel x Amelia
1. Prologue

**Epilogue**

Amelia's Denouement

"You _lost_ Mister Zelgadis?" I paced in front of a sheepish looking Miss Lina and Mister Gourry.

Miss Lina grinned uneasily. "Not exactly _lost_..."

"He wandered off..." Mister Gourry pointed out. 

"He'll turn up sooner or later," Miss Lina tried to reassure me. "You still have his stuff."

"Why did he 'wander off' anyway?" I asked them. "He was still recovering."

"Um..." Miss Lina sweatdropped. "He and I were talking and I guess I was a little insulting..."

"You called him a moron," Mister Gourry said. 

"Miss Lina!"

"Well, look at the time... the all-you-can-eat-for-a-silver-piece restaurant is opening. And Gourry and I haven't been there yet! Come on, Jellyfish Brains!" Miss Lina dashed out the door, practically dragging Mister Gourry behind her. 

"Miss Lina, get back here!" When yelling after her proved fruitless, I sighed. I was worried about Zelgadis. He had been so depressed recently. And he had been willing to give up his life just yesterday -- even if it was to prevent a war and my death. I really didn't want to think about him being alone out there in the world, especially after a fight with Miss Lina. I had been walking aimlessly though the palace. I stopped, hearing the faint strains of music... Who could be playing? I followed the sounds, pausing at intersections to divine which way to go.

It led me to one of the gardens, the one Zelgadis and I had worked in on his second day here. And whom did I find there but Zelgadis himself? He was seated on a bench, a guitar resting on his lap. His hands danced over the strings, producing the music I had heard.

"Zelgadis? How did you get in here?"

Hr looked up "Servants' entrance in the back. Most people don't think about it, and most of the staff recognizes me on sight. Benefit of being a chimera, I guess."

"Oh... you worried me. Miss Lina said she lost track of you and I wasn't sure you were coming back."

He looked down. "Sorry..." he muttered.

"So..." I sat down next to him. "I don't really have anything planned for your sensitivity training tomorrow, but..."

"That's all right, Amelia. I'm done with it."

"You are?" I asked, disappointed. Would he be leaving again, then? I didn't want him to leave. In truth, I had been having fun spending time with him, and I thought he had too. "But we were making so much progress! You're not giving up, are you?"

"I'm not giving up," Zelgadis confirmed. "Amelia... answer honestly... do you really think I need it?"

"Well..." I paused, thinking about how to answer him. "I really liked spending time with you, Zelgadis, but..."

"You don't think so, do you?"

I shook my head. "I never noticed what you were so worried about... if anything, I think you've gotten better since I've met you. You might act cold to people who don't know you, but you're a wonderful friend, Zelgadis."

He nodded. "I see..."

"I'm sorry... am I missing the point again?"

"No, I don't think you are. Lina and Gourry said much the same thing... though much less tactfully. Apparently the only one who thought I has a problem was me..." he paused, a reflective look on his face. 

"So... if you're done with this, what are you going to do now?' He's going to leave, he's going to look for his cure. 

"Well..." Zelgadis still was looking thoughtful. "I still haven't checked out all of the libraries here..."

"And then?"

He was silent for a while. "Well... I've been travelling for a while... Come to think about it, I can't remember when I lived in one place..."

I listened, curious to where he was going with this. "Go on."

"Well... I was thinking... people will do anything for a large amount of money... and I have a decent amount saved up from all of the ruins I've explored. Maybe I could offer a reward for information about my cure... get people besides my friends and myself keeping an eye out. I'd have to stay in one place for that, though..."

"Like in Sailoon?" I asked hopefully.

He nodded. "Where else would someone like me actually be able to make friends with the neighbors?"

"That's wonderful news, Zelgadis!" I threw my arms around him in a hug.

"You're not calling me Mister Zelgadis any more," he noted.

"Oh, well..." I stared at the ground a bit uncomfortably. "Well, I just assumed since you..."

"Since I kissed you, we were beyond the formality stage," he finished. I nodded. 

"So... where does that leave us, if you're staying here for a while?"

"I don't know how long I'm staying... I don't know if this will really work."

"Living in Sailoon or... us?"

"Both. But I'm willing to give them a shot."

"That's all I needed to hear, Zelgadis."


	2. 1: Amelia's Guest

**Chapter 1 **

**Amelia's Guest**

I sighed... I hated paperwork. Ever since I returned from the Outer World, Daddy has started giving me more and more of the day-to-day running of the kingdom. When I was a little girl, I always pretended I was queen. Somehow, that game involved more life-or-death decision-making and affairs of state than reading five advisors' opinions on a simple matter that should take up five minutes of my time. 

In short, I was _bored_. I leaned back in my chair, putting my feet up on my desk. Unfortunately, my foot hit the inkpot I had been using, sending the ink flying onto the floor. 

"Oh!" I tried to get out of my chair to clean up the ink before it stained the floor too badly. However, I forgot I was still leaning back in my chair. I lost my balance, and fell out of the chair, landing face down on the floor, the chair on top of me. "I think this is turning out to be a very bad day." 

A shadow fell over me. "Need any help?" I recognized that voice, though I hadn't heard it in a long time. I looked up, into a familiar pair of slate-colored eyes.

"Mister Zelgadis?" I managed to stand up. He hadn't changed much -- same utilitarian beige traveling clothing, same unruly hair. I noted I was closer to being able to look him directly in the eye -- I had grown. It should go without saying he hadn't found his cure yet. "What are you doing here?"

"Prince Phil said you were working and he told me where. I decided to surprise you."

"No, I meant what are you doing in Sailoon? Why did you come back?" I'd always imagined him returning, realizing some things were more important than looking human, and sweeping me off of my feet.

"Oh, I was just in the neighborhood and thought it would be nice to stop in to see you... and maybe check the magical libraries again." He added the last part almost off-hand.

I should have known. Mister Zelgadis doesn't have a romantic bone in his body. Well, at least he had the consideration to mention me first. "Oh... that's nice. Do you have a room yet? I'm sure Daddy will let you use one of the guestrooms. How long are you staying?"

"I don't have anywhere to stay yet," Mister Zelgadis answered. "And it's not like I have anywhere I need to be. I'll probably stay a week or two... longer if I find something I need to follow up on."

"That's good to hear," I smiled at him. "After your trip, you probably want to relax a bit. I can get someone to show you to your room. We can catch up during dinner, Mister Zelgadis. I'll be in the castle's library if you need me before then -- I need to look something up in the records." He nodded as I walked out of the door. As much as I would have liked to catch up with him, I still had all that boring paperwork to do... it was my duty as Princess after all. 

The castle library was basically my family's book collection -- pretty impressive if you consider how long my family has been ruling Sailoon. The books in it range from Gracia's and my storybooks from when we were little; to Mother's white magic grimoires, to tomes so old I had to be careful when opening them, lest I break the brittle pages. The books I need were stored near the back. I pulled a few from the shelves and sat down in one of the armchairs to read through 100 year old property laws -- which are, quite frankly, the most boring things ever written. Nevertheless, it was my duty to understand them, so I set to work reading. 

I didn't notice Mister Zelgadis enter -- he moves so quietly -- but when I looked up because the words were beginning to blur together on the page, there he was, seated in another chair, across the room, reading. I glanced at the title of his book -- it wasn't about history, magic, biology, or something else related to his cure. It was a book on music. He seemed to be very absorbed in it -- when I spoke his name, he didn't look up immediately, and took a moment, when he did, to locate me. "Yes, Amelia?" he eventually answered.

"You don't have to stay here, Mister Zelgadis."

"It's fine. I'm... looking for my cure." He indicated the book, not realizing I could see the title. I didn't comment.

"I've already checked the books in the library here. You'd have better luck in the Sorcerers' Guild in town. They have a pretty complete library on white magic."

Mister Zelgadis didn't answer me immediately. Instead, he stood up and walked to the window, pulling aside the drapes and starting out at the late afternoon sky. "It's getting late -- they'll be serving dinner soon. Looks like a storm's coming in as well." He turned back to face me. "I'll check out the library tomorrow."

"Well, if you say so." 

Just then, a servant stuck his head in. "Princess, Mr. Graywords, His Highness wishes to tell you that dinner is being served."

Mister Zelgadis nodded in my direction. "We don't want it to get cold. Come on, Amelia."

As I followed him and the servant down to dinner, I couldn't help but wonder. Mister Zelgadis was acting very strangely. Normally, it seemed like his cure was always on his mind -- even on the occasions when he wasn't actively searching for it. Now, it seemed like he had to remember he was still looking for it. It was almost like his search had become an act. Could it be he had given up, but didn't want to tell me, because I was expecting him to return once he did? No... if that were the case, he wouldn't have come back at all.

Dinner was peaceful, but I still couldn't shake my suspicions. Mister Zelgadis told Daddy and I stories about his travels since he and I had parted ways -- nothing really serious or troubling, mostly just descriptions of places where he'd been or amusing travel anecdotes. After the fourth or fifth story, I noticed he was still avoiding the subject of his cure -- in his stories, he didn't talk about any of the leads he had found, or mentioned any dead ends. I finally got up the courage to ask him, "Hey, Mister Zelgadis, how's the search for your cure going?"

He blinked. "Oh... yeah..." He waved a hand across his face. "Still a freak." 

"I see that. Any leads?"

"Nothing really promising. That's why I came back here. Oh, look. Dessert's here." Mister Zelgadis still had his shields up. After dinner, I returned to my desk. I stared at the paperwork for a while, before shoving it unceremoniously into a desk drawer. I pulled out a clean piece of paper, pen and ink, and Miss Lina and Mister Gourry's last letter. Miss Lina always closed her letters to me with several locations where I could send a reply. It was the only way I could keep in touch with her -- she and Mister Gourry still weren't ready to settle down. 

_Dear Miss Lina and Mister Gourry,  
I trust you are in good health and that the weather is nice where you are. I am well, as is my father. You will never guess who showed up for a visit today. It's Mister Zelgadis, fresh from the Outer World. He will be in town for several weeks, and I know you two are in the area, so it would be nice if you could stop in for a day or two, if it's not too far out of your way. It would feel so good to have the old group in the same room again, even if it was just for a meal. I miss you all and our adventures together. _

I debated about adding something about Mister Zelgadis's odd behavior. Miss Lina was his best friend, and, as another man, Mister Gourry might have some insight into his mind.

No... I wanted them to see for themselves, without my opinion biasing them. I could be misreading him -- I'm not the best judge of character, I know. I quickly signed and sealed the letter before I changed my mind. I'd give it to a messenger first thing in the morning. 

A crack of thunder interrupted me as I put away my supplies, causing me to drop my inkpot for the second time today. Well, Mister Zelgadis had been right about the storm. I have a sort of fascination with storms -- I love them... provided I'm in my room, in my bed, watching the rain pound on the windows. Otherwise, they kind of unnerve me. I quickly extinguished the candles in my study and hurried back to my room.

A draft of cold, wet air caused me to stop in my tracks in the hallway. It was coming from one of the guestrooms -- the door was open a crack. Some castles are dank and drafty, but Sailoon Castle has the best in protection-from-elements and insulation spells built into the walls. Curious, I gently pushed the door open farther and peeked inside the darkened room. I didn't see anything moving inside, so I cautiously crept inside, my eyes adjusting to the gloom. I stopped to examine a few bags, a cloak, and a sword thrown carelessly on the back of a chair. _These are Mister Zelgadis's. This must be his room._

A crack of thunder, accompanying a brilliant flash of lightning, caused me to jump. I stole a quick glance towards the door to the balcony. Someone had left the door open, producing the draft I had felt in the hall. I saw a person sitting on the balcony, lightning glinting off of his wet skin, clothing and hair. 

"Mister Zelgadis?" I pushed the balcony door open and stepped into the rain. 

"Go away, Amelia."

I crouched down to talk to him better. He avoided my gaze. "What are you doing out here? You'll get sick."

"I thought I asked you to go away, Amelia. I don't really want to talk to anyone right now."

I crossed my arms. Mister Zelgadis could be so stubborn. "I'm not leaving until you answer my questions, Mister Zelgadis. Why are you sitting out here in this storm?"

He continued to ignore me for five minutes... ten... darn it, I wasn't going to give up on this. Mister Zelgadis may be depressed at times, but this was an unusual low. Usually when he was sitting around, feeling sorry for himself, it was somewhere warm and dry. I saw him sneak a glance towards me. "I'm still here, Mister Zelgadis. I told you I wasn't leaving until you answered my questions."

"What does it matter why I'm out here?" The way his said that... the hollow look in his eyes... I knew my suspicions were correct. Something had happened to him while he was traveling. 

"You're going to get sick if you stay out here, Mister Zelgadis. Of course it matters!"

"No, it doesn't. It doesn't bother me. I'm a cold, heartless, sorcerer-swordsman, remember? A little thing like rain doesn't bother me." He said this in a flat voice, like he was beyond caring. 

"No matter what you like to think, you are still vulnerable to some things, Mister Zelgadis. Underneath that stone skin of yours, you are as human as the rest of us."

"No. I'm not."

"Excuse me?"

"Never forget I am a chimera, Amelia. I'm _not_ human. Not on the outside, certainly." He sighed. "I don't even think I'm human on the inside anymore."

"How can you say such a thing?"

"Because it's true," Mister Zelgadis sighed, slumping his shoulders. Before I could answer him, he continued. "It happened a few weeks ago. I was visiting a temple. I had asked them if I could examine a relic they had. They told me to come back in fifty years. I got a little impatient and fireballed the door. I accidentally hit a support beam and injured a shrine maiden. When I saw her lying there, hurt because of my callousness... and the worse part was that, when I saw her, I had to consciously decide to help her. I had to remind myself to do the compassionate thing... the _human_ thing. How long will it be before I forget it completely? When I actually become as monstrous as I look?"

"That isn't going to happen, Mister Zelgadis." I put my hands on his shoulders, forcing him to look at me. "I won't let it happen to you."

He practically collapsed against me, resting his head against my shoulder. "Please," I heard him speak so softly, it was nearly lost to the wind and rain, "Amelia, help me."

I felt something hot against the skin of my shoulder. He was crying... I've never seen Mister Zelgadis cry before. I wrapped my arms around him. "I won't let you lose your humanity, Mister Zelgadis. Not without a fight."

We just sat there, in each other's arms, for a while, ignoring the pounding rain and howling storm. Eventually, I stood up and led him back inside. I opened the wardrobe and tossed him a few towels. "Dry off. You should change your clothing as well." I headed for the door. "Oh, and Mister Zelgadis?"

"Yes?"

"Get a good night's sleep. Your sensitivity training starts tomorrow morning."


	3. 2: Zelgadis's Sensitivity Training

**Chapter 2**

**Zel's Sensitivity Training**

I awoke to the sound of someone knocking on my door. _Where am I... oh... yeah... Sailoon._ With that early morning realization, the events of the preceding night came rushing back to me. _How could I break down like that? And in front of Amelia? So embarrassing..._

_Because, deep down, you wanted her to help -- why else did you come back to Sailoon? Whether you know it or not, she's the only one who even has a chance at helping you. _

_I don't need her help._

_And if I believe myself when I think that, I'm sure Xellos has a house on Wolf Pack Island he can sell me._

"Mister Zelgadis?" Amelia's voice came from behind the door. "Are you awake?"

"Yeah," I answered. "Just give me five minutes to get dressed." I got out of bed and walked over to where I had left my wet clothing to dry. The thick fabric was still a bit damp after last night's sulk in the rain. I pulled my other set of clothing from my pack and quickly changed. I then opened the door. "Ready now."

Amelia was standing there in a pair of patched and faded trousers and a ratty old shirt. Both had seen better days... probably about the time Rezo was born... "Good morning!" she said cheerfully.

"'Morning," I said. "What's with the new wardrobe?"

"You'll see. Come on, Mister Zelgadis," Amelia grabbed my hand and started leading me through the castle corridors, to one of the courtyards. A gardener had left a wheelbarrow with some tools in it. Amelia walked over to the wheelbarrow and picked up two sets of thick canvas gardening gloves. She handed one pair to me, and, seeing the questioning look on my face, explained, "We'll be gardening today."

"Gardening? Why? Does treating Lina and Gourry to the occasional meal drain Sailoon's Treasury that much, or is Prince Phil just trying to save money?"

"No," Amelia said. "I'm testing a theory, Mister Zelgadis. I believe your feelings of isolation are due to the fact that you have cut yourself off from the rest of the world. Smell the air."

I obediently inhaled. "There's a sack of manure in the wheelbarrow," I commented.

"No, Mister Zelgadis. Well... yes... but... no," Amelia closed her eyes. "It's the smell of flowers blooming, of springtime, of life... you can just feel the world growing." She crouched down and started weeding the flowerbed. "To be human is to be alive and in this world."

"Where'd you come up with that little gem?" I asked skeptically.

"I read it in a book. I've been studying psychology. A good ruler should understand how her people think."

I didn't say what I thought of her theory. I always figured Sailoon would lean towards the touchy-feely branch of psychology, even if that 'touch' was sometimes a Fist of Justice -- Sailoon believes in tough love for the unjust. I crouched down near her, helping her work -- well, it was worth a shot, no matter how ridiculous the idea was. Besides, she couldn't fault me for not being willing to try.

We worked the rest of the day, stopping only for sandwiches and light conversation about nothing in particular at lunch. As the sun set over the wall of the castle, Amelia finally took off her gloves, signaling to me she was finished working. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"Feel any different?"

"I feel tired and I have a crick in my back from bending over."

"No... are you feeling more open, more connected to the rest of humanity?"

"I've spent the day weeding with one other person. How would _that_ connect me to the rest of humanity?" I snapped. 

Amelia gave me a stare like a kicked puppy. "I was only trying to help you, Mister Zelgadis."

Well, that made me feel like the stuff caked to the bottom of my boots. It would have been easier if she had yelled at me, called me an insensitive idiot and deserving of what I got. "I'm sorry, Amelia. But this isn't working."

"I see that," Amelia said wryly. My apology apparently did the trick. "I'll think of something better for tomorrow."

* * *

The time, I was already up and dressed when Amelia knocked on my door. I opened it to see Amelia in a more normal princess dress. "No gardening today?"

"No," Amelia smiled. "I have something different planned."

This time, Amelia led me to her office. She opened the bottom drawer of her desk and pulled out a large canvas bag.

"What's that for?" I asked her.

"You'll see..." She removed two pieces of cloth and some sewing notions. 

I peered over at it. "Embroidery?" I said incredulously.

"Creative works are what distinguish humanity from other things... like demons..." Amelia deftly threaded a needle. "See this is how you backstitch, and you stem stitch like this..." She ran me through the basic stitches, handing me needle, floss and the other piece of cloth. 

I waited until she was finished demonstrating stitches. "Amelia? Do you _really_ think this will work?"

"Well... it could..." she said hesitantly.

I set the cloth down on my lap, threaded my own needle, and tried to follow her example. It's not like I had anything better to do. Besides, if I really was turning into a monster on the inside as well as the outside, I wanted to spend every last moment with what I had left... the few people who call me friend. I just hoped no one else saw me doing this. 

"Amelia, why did you _really_ suggest this?" I commented dryly, while trying to untangle a particularly difficult knot.

"Um..." she hesitated again. "Well... to be honest, Mister Zelgadis, I was planning something else, but the plans fell through, and I needed to finish this for Daddy because his birthday is coming up, and, well it couldn't hurt, could it?" She gave me a hopeful look.

I sighed. "You should have just said you had nothing planned, Amelia. I would have kept you company if you wanted, without you having this pretense of helping me."

"You wouldn't get bored? Needlecraft isn't exactly a spectator activity and I was worried you'd see it as too feminine." _Well, yeah..._ "Really it isn't to different from mending clothing and I do that."

"You do?"

"I don't like going to the tailor and getting measured, so I make my clothing last as long as possible."

"That explains why you never seem to change your clothing."

"I do!" I gave her an insulted look. "My clothing all looks the same, that's all... it's a very functional design." I reached for the scissors to cut my thread. 

"Finished?" Amelia tried to look over at what I was working on. 

"One part." I had selected a pattern at random, since most of the ones Amelia had seemed to be flowers or hearts or other things like that. I tried to lift up the scrap I was working on. After a few tugs... "Damn it... I think I accidentally sewed it to my pant leg."

Amelia unsuccessfully tried to suppress the giggles. "Let me see... it certainly looks that way, Mister Zelgadis." At that point, she lost all control over her laughter. I chuckled as well -- the situation was pretty ridiculous.

Amelia stopped laughing to look at me. "You know, Mister Zelgadis, I don't think I've ever heard you laugh before."

"You haven't?" I was sure she had... that one time...no, that was with Lina, when she had seemingly forgotten I was made of stone and given me a friendly slap on the back. 

"No... you should do it more often It makes you more human, you know."

"How do you figure? Xellos laughs." 

"Not at himself."

She had a point. Maybe my intuition was correct... maybe Amelia was the one person who could help me... she was giving me hope, at least, and hope was all I had at this point.


	4. 3: Amelia's Trip

**Chapter 3**

**Amelia's Trip**

"So, Mister Zelgadis, what did you think?" I asked him as we walked back to the castle. It had been 5 days since he had arrived at Sailoon and, to be honest, sometimes I wondered if I was helping at all. With each passing day, he seemed to get more cynical and despondent. I was trying my best, really I was, but I just wasn't sure how I could help him. I knew I had to give it my all -- I can't stand there doing nothing at all while someone needs me, especially someone as important to me as Mister Zelgadis. 

So, when I found out that the famous romance _I Want to Be Your Shining Phoenix _was playing in Sailoon this week, I thought it would be the perfect play to see with Mister Zelgadis. It's one of my favorites -- I can't watch it without feeling my heart go out to the hero and heroine. Surely even a cold-hearted person like Mister Zelgadis imagines himself to be would feel something. 

Things seemed to go wrong from the beginning... I had the hardest time getting tickets. Sure, I _could_ have pulled rank and drop hints that the Princess of Sailoon was interested in attending a showing with a guest, but that would be unjust for such a trivial thing, especially if I could get tickets the legitimate way. 

Finally, I did manage to get tickets -- for the final showing. They weren't even together, so I wouldn't be able to see how the play affected Mister Zelgadis until it ended. But, still, we were going to see the play. 

The next step was to get Mister Zelgadis to come with me. It was a simple enough matter -- he was being very cooperative, even if he usually thought my ideas were silly. Well, it would have been simple, except for one thing... 

_"Mister Zelgadis, you'll have to dress up." I looked him over, remembering our conversation from a few days ago. "Do you own any other clothing?" _

"No..." He looked sheepish. "My lifestyle doesn't exactly lend itself to nights out on the town."

"The play's tonight -- there'd be no time to get something made in your size." I looked him over again, mentally measuring him. "You know, I think we still have some of Alfred's clothing here..." 

"I am not wearing a dead man's hand-me-downs, Amelia." 

"Well, I suppose some of Daddy's clothing from when he was younger might also fit..." 

"Amelia..." 

"Yes, Mister Zelgadis?" 

"I'll take your cousin's clothing... it's only for one night." 

"What?" Mister Zelgadis's reply jolted me out of my train of thought. 

"How did you like the play?" He looked so_ odd _when he was dressed up. Maybe it was because I almost always saw him in the same thing. Or maybe it was because I associated the outfit with Alfred and it looked wrong on Mister Zelgadis. It wasn't really a bad sort of odd, though. Merely different. 

"Oh...the play... it was okay." 

"Only okay?" I tried not to let the disappointment show in my face.

"Well, I thought the hero and heroine seemed a little flat and stereotypical, and the plot seemed contrived. Really, the supporting characters made the play -- but one of them showed far too many of Xellos's mannerisms for me to like him." "Mister Zelgadis! That was one of the most famous romance plays ever written!" 

"Just because something is a romance, doesn't mean it can ignore things like plausibility and three-dimensional characters. Even if two people are 'fated to be together', that doesn't mean a writer can use that to fix massive plot holes." 

"So you felt nothing? Sometimes I think you really_ do_ have a heart of stone, Mister Zelgadis," I said, a bit annoyed that he would come down so hard against one of my favorite plays. 

"I know..." Mister Zelgadis stared down at the ground. That was the wrong thing to say to him...he's already worried about losing his humanity, and here I go accusing him of having a heart of stone? Stupid...

We walked in silence the rest of the way to the castle. A servant was waiting at the gate. "Princess!" 

"Yes? What is it, Miss Faye?"

"You received a message while you and your gentleman friend were out." She handed me a letter. I opened it. 

"What is it, Amelia?" Mister Zelgadis asked. 

"Just a second... let me read it." I scanned the letter. "It's Miss Lina. She's writing to tell me she and Mister Gourry are coming to visit." 

"Most likely so you can warn the kitchen staff," Mister Zelgadis added. I smiled at that. The last time Miss Lina and Mister Gourry had dropped by unexpectedly, the head chef had threatened to quit. "So, when do they get here?" 

"Let's see... Tomorrow... Oh, dear..." 

"Is twelve hours not enough warning for the chefs?" 

"This is serious, Mister Zelgadis," I told him. "One of the villages nearby, Reinard, is opening a new Sorcerer's Guildhouse and I agreed to be the Guest of Honor. It should only take a day, but..." 

"It's fine with me," Mister Zelgadis said. "You go do the Princess thing... I'll stay here and meet Lina and Gourry. I'm sure they'll be surprised to see me." 

"No, actually, they won't. I mentioned you had come in my last letter to Miss Lina." 

"Oh..." Mister Zelgadis suddenly looked worried. "How much else did you say in your letter?" 

Oh... he was worried that I had written about his current problems. Not that I would -- this was obviously something deeply personal that he didn't feel like sharing with others, even friends. If he wanted to tell someone else, he would. Either way, I wouldn't say anything, even to Miss Lina. "Nothing much, really. Just how nice it would be to have the four of us together again." 

"Princess?" Miss Faye interrupted me. "Have you packed yet? Your laundry is in your room, if you need any of that." "I think tomorrow's trip will only be a day trip, Miss Faye," I told her. "Thank you for your concern, though. You know... when was the last time you had a day off?" 

"I don't know... I was sick last month, and I missed a few days." 

"Take tomorrow off, then. You deserve it." 

"Yes, ma'am." 

As she walked off, Mister Zelgadis turned to me. "Are you sure your father won't mind?" 

"He won't," I told him. "Really, with just him and me and sometimes Uncle Christopher, we have too much staff on hand. Most of them seem like they are just taking care of all the other staff. No one will miss one person if she takes a day to relax." I yawned. "I'll have to get up early tomorrow, so I better call it a night." 

Mister Zelgadis nodded and turned to walk to his room. "Good night, Amelia. Sleep well." 

"Good night, Mister Zelgadis." 

* * *

The next day, I wasted little time dressing and packing a day bag of essentials I would need on the trip. As the sun began to peak above the horizon, coloring the castle walls a rosy pink color, I was already in the carriage house, watching the stable hands hitch up the horses. "We should be ready to move in no time at all," I commented approvingly. 

"You know, Amelia, it would probably be quicker if you just rode instead of taking a carriage." I jumped.

"Mister Zelgadis! You surprised me. What are you doing up so early?" 

"I thought I should see you off. Prince Phil should also be coming... I passed his room on the way down here and heard him getting up." 

"Oh..." I fidgeted. "Anyway... I have a bit of a stomachache, and I think riding would just aggravate it. The carriage is quick enough." 

"Are you sure you should be going if you aren't feeling well?" Mister Zelgadis asked, a hint of concern in his voice. 

I winced. Why _now_, of all times, did he decide to become Mr. Compassionate? "Really, I'll be fine, Mister Zelgadis. I have some herbs to take during the journey if it gets worse." 

"Amelia..." 

I grabbed his collar, trying to yank his head down close to me... it wouldn't have worked, except Mister Zelgadis, in deference to my annoyance, brought his face down towards mine. "Listen, Mister Zelgadis, the reason I'm not feeling well is because it's Ôthat time of the month', and I'd really appreciate if it wasn't broadcast to the entire kingdom." 

He looked embarrassed, but, to his credit, he recovered his composure quickly. He straightened up. "Forget I said anything." He glanced at the carriage. "Are you sure you're okay traveling without your magic?" 

"I'll be fine... I'm well within Sailoon's borders, and I have Mister Benedick to protect me. He's very reliable," I gestured to a man who was seated at the front of the carriage. He was wearing the uniform of the Sailoon Royal Guard. 

"Well, if you're sure..." Mister Zelgadis still looked hesitant. And I appreciated it, really, I did, but a girl doesn't need a man trying to shelter her from everything. Sometimes she has to take her fate into her own hands and protect herself. 

"I am..." 

Mister Benedick nodded to me. "Ready to go, Princess?" I nodded and stepped into the carriage. "Oh, look there's Daddy... Bye, Daddy! Bye Mister Zelgadis! See you both tonight!" I yelled to them as the carriage left the castle. 

* * *

Goodness me, travel by carriage is boring. I worked on my embroidery a bit, and read until my stomach objected to my eyes focusing on the page. I then tried to sleep, staring at the roof of the carriage. I wish I had asked Mister Zelgadis to accompany me. But then again... I'm no Lina Inverse, but I do get temperamental around this time of the month, and Mister Zelgadis did seem to rub me the wrong way now. It would pass. Until then, I could enjoy the trip and the dedication ceremony -- as boring as they were. 

The carriage jerked to a halt suddenly, knocking me to the floor. I picked myself up, dusted off my dress, and stuck my head out the window... and found it centimeters away from the wrong end of a crossbow bolt. "Get out of the carriage, Princess," a male voice instructed me, in a tone indicating, while violence wasn't happening now, it was likely if I didn't do exactly what it said. 

"I refuse to obey the instructions of unjust bandits." I did have my pride, after all. Besides, I might be able to bluff my way out of the situation, just like Miss Lina showed me. 

"Fine." The crossbow was lowered, the carriage door was opened, and I was pulled rudely out, struggling the whole way. There were only two bandits. The first was the man that shoved me out. He was nondescript looking, with black hair, cut short. The second was a woman with golden hair and eyes, well dressed in leggings, a blouse and boots. Both were wearing some solid-looking (and expensive) armor and were carrying swords, which were, thankfully, sheathed. The man had given the woman the crossbow and she had it trained on me. "Mister Benedick! Do something!" I yelled for my guard. 

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Princess," Mister Benedick stepped into the field of view, an uncharacteristic smirk on his face. "I guess I forgot to mention my _other_ job when your father hired me... Oops." 

"This was all a set up!" I held my hands out in a spell-casting posture. "I should fireball you where you stand. It'll teach you to mess with a Champion of Justice. _Light which burns beyond crimson flame..._" 

"Stop casting that light spell, Princess," the woman ordered me. "We all know you can't do anything worse to us than blind us, and rest assured I can fire the crossbow before you complete the chant." I cancelled the spell. 

"And, yes, we did have this all planned," she continued. "More than you'll ever know... It was simply a matter of waiting until you needed to leave the capital alone during Ôthat time of the month'. Even simpler to have Benedick volunteer to be your escort." She regarded Benedick and the other man. "She may be near-useless as a sorceress, but she'll still be a pain. We need to get her and the carriage away from the road." 

She nodded to them and they grabbed my arms at the shoulder. I tried to struggle, to get my hands free enough to cast even a light spell as a signal, but they overpowered me, pinning my arms behind my back. So, having no other weapon left, I mustered my best defiant stare. "Justice will triumph over evil in the end." 

The woman drew her sword. "In my experience, Princess, Justice is in the purse of the highest bidder." She turned the sword and swung, striking with the flat of the blade. 

Stars exploded inside my head... I felt myself falling... things were going black... Zelgadis... where are you? Save me...


	5. 4: Zelgadis's Choice

**Chapter 4**

Zelgadis's Choice

"Zel!" Long time no see!" Lina greeted me. She still looked the same, right down to the body that suited a 12-year-old boy more than a woman of nearly 20.

"Hi, Zel!" Gourry added. He had changed even less than Lina, though he was sporting a new sword, replacing the Sword of Light he had returned. "Where's Amelia?"

"She had business in a neighboring town," I explained. "She'll be back tonight."

"So... Zel... what brings you to Sailoon?" Lina asked slyly. 

"Looking for my cure," I said quickly. A lie, but I didn't want to explain the truth to Lina and Gourry. Besides, it was the answer they'd probably expect from me. 

"Same as usual, Zel?" Lina smiled. Gourry looked less than happy, though. He stuck his hand in his pocket and pulled out a few coins, which he handed to Lina. "Pleasure doing business with you, Jellyfish Brains," Lina pocketed the coins. 

"You two bet on me?" I feigned insult. "What did Gourry bet I was here for?"

"He thought you came to see Amelia," Lina said. 

"Speaking of things that should have been resolved a long time ago, how are you and Gourry doing, Lina? Sleeping together yet?" I asked, knowing it would distract Lina. 

"Zel, don't be a pervert," Lina told me. "And you, Jellyfish Brains, say anything and I'll fireball you."

"But Lina..." Whatever Gourry wanted to say that would inevitably get him hurt was stopped by the arrival of Prince Phil and the court sorcerer. 

"What's going on?" I asked, seeing the worried look on their faces.

The court sorcerer straightened nervously. "Well, Mr. Graywords, we just received a message from Reinard. Princess Amelia hasn't arrived yet. They were asking if she was still coming."

I frowned. Even if she had run into a few problems on the road, she still should have been there by now. Even in a worst-case scenario, she could have cast a light spell as a flare. Something must have happened. 

Lina seemed to share my suspicions. "There's no reports of bandit activity on that road."

"Certainly not," Prince Phil boomed. "This is Sailoon." Despite his confidence, he was beginning to look pensive. "I hope she's alright. Not that my baby girl can't take care of herself, but the unjust are known for being underhanded, and they might have caught her and her guard by surprise."

"Maybe we could look for her, Phil?" Gourry suggested. 

"And how would we do that, Gourry?" I asked. "It's one thing to search the road, but if this really is foul play and not an accident, only a really stupid bandit would stay near the road."

"Well..." Gourry looked like he was trying to remember something. "Do you remember that one time when you were chasing us because the guy with the big shoulder pads wanted something Lina stole to resurrect Sha... Shabra-whats-his-face?"

Lina stared at him in shock. "Shabranigdo... and Rezo, Gourry," she corrected absently. "I don't believe it... he has a point. Zel, don't you have tracking spells? Like the one you used to track us when we had the Philosopher's Stone?"

I shook my head. "They won't work on people. They work on the Astral Plane, and even a human who knows magic has a presence there that's too small for magic to detect. They can only home in on magical items... items that I'm familiar with." "I knew that!" Lina yelled. "Does Amelia keep any talismans on her person?"

"What about her bracelets?" Gourry asked. 

"You're on a roll, Gourry," Lina smiled at the swordsman. "There are some low-level protection spells on those."

"It doesn't matter if her bracelets are Demon's Blood Talismans," I commented. "I can't cast the spell unless I know what kind of spell I'm looking for. And I'm not some kind of crazy stalker who memorizes every detail about a girl, down to the spells on her jewelry."

"Well, you could always use the one around your canteen," Gourry pointed out. 

Suddenly I found four pairs of eyes staring at me. "What?" I said defensively. "She gave it to me! To remember her by! Anyway, if I'm going to cast this spell, I'll need a map of the area, ruler and compass." The sorcerer ran off to fill my request. "Now, everyone, be quiet and let me concentrate." I pulled out my canteen and removed Amelia's bracelet from its usual place. I held it in my hands, closing my eyes, and focusing on the spell on the amulet. 

The spell felt familiar... it was your average low-level protection spell. I tried to get a sense of the maker. It wasn't Amelia or Lina -- it felt unfamiliar, but it had a few elements that reminded me of Amelia's spells. I remembered that Amelia's mother had studied magic, as had her older sister. Perhaps one of them had made it for her before her mother's death... what possessed her to give me something that must be so important to her?

I opened my eyes. The court sorcerer had returned. I took the map he had brought and laid it out on the flagstones. I crouched down next to it, running through the divination spell in my mind. 

"Don't tell me you've forgotten the spell," Lina said. 

"No... Just making sure I have it," I started casting the spell, subvocalizing it. I reached for compass and ruler, making a few marks on the map, culminating in a circled X some distance from the city. 

"That's nowhere near Reinard," Phil pointed out. 

I nodded and stood up, checking to make sure my cloak was straight and my sword was sheathed at my hip. 

"Where do you think you're going?" Lina asked pointedly. 

"To find Amelia," I countered bluntly. 

"Not without us!" she yelled. Gourry nodded, looking resolute.

"You couldn't keep up with me," I told her. "I have longer legs and better endurance, and I can fly faster than you can, encumbered by Gourry. If you want to help, get the Sailoon Royal Guard and follow me."

"I see..." Lina gave me a knowing look. "Want to play knight in shining armor for your damsel in distress, eh, Zel?"

"That was to get back at me for that crack about you and Gourry, wasn't it? Just follow, okay." I was running possibilities of what happened to Amelia through my mind. None of them were good. Damn it, I should have insisted on coming along. I turned to leave. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lina, Gourry, and Prince Phil talking. They would follow, and quickly -- I knew it.

I had memorized the location on the map, leaving the map itself with Lina. I tried to travel as the dragon flied -- taking the road when they ran the way I wanted to go to save magical energy, flying when I had to travel over rough country. I once heard an old Zepheillian legend about a messenger who ran over eighty kilometers to deliver news of a victorious battle to the capital. I'm not sure of the validity of that legend, but I estimate I was going at least as fast as that runner, and probably on the same fuel source -- adrenaline and a cup of coffee I had bought before leaving Sailoon.

After some time -- I really wasn't paying attention to time -- I stopped and cast the divination spell again, to get a better fix on Amelia's location. The signal came very strongly from a couple hundred meters away... I jogged over there, trying to move both quickly and quietly. 

The signal was coming from an old abandoned manor house, buried in forest. There were signs of recent visitors -- several fresh sets of tracks were visible in the leaf litter. I closed my eyes, trying to ignore the background noise from the forest to try and find the sound of human voices. Nothing in the front. I'll check the back... if there's nothing there, I'll just have to go inside. Using the forest as cover, I crept around to the back of the house. My ears twitched -- I heard voices coming from a second floor room. I dove for cover -- into a rather nasty thorn bush, as it turned out. The thorns weren't enough to scratch my skin, but they did tear at my clothing a bit. I held very still, both to keep my clothing in one piece and to avoid the people in the house hearing me. 

"You're an incompetent moron, you know, Blake?" The first voice was female, a rich alto.

"How was I supposed to tell those knives apart?" the second one, presumably Blake, complained in a whiny tenor. 

"You're a weapons dealer! You should know a Xoanan knife from an Elemekian knife!"

"I'm a guard for a weapons dealer. I'm paid to look intimidating and hurt people."

"If you lost the knife, I'm sending you back to Xoana... let them deal with you."

"You kidding, Boss?" Blake sounded worried, nearly pleading. "You wouldn't send me back to that psycho queen. She knew I stole that knife -- she'll kill me in the name of that mad god of hers."

"Good riddance to bad garbage, I say."

A pause, then, "Hey! I found the knife!"

"About time. Let's get going, then. Sailoon's probably already up in arms, though I doubt they've made it this far from the Princess's route."

So they do have Amelia... And a knife... this is bad. But I shouldn't go rushing into things, like Lina always does. I need a plan. 

"Lady Orianna, ma'am!" I heard a third voice -- male and somewhat familiar, though I couldn't place where I had heard it before. "The Princess is waking up!"

"Aren't you supposed to be guarding her, Benedick?" the first voice, presumably Lady Orianna, asked.

Benedick... wasn't that Amelia's guard... that's how I knew the voice! 

No! I'm not going in without a plan -- that will just get people hurt. Start thinking, Zelgadis. 

"I left Faye with her," Benedick reported.

"Secure her and bring her here. We're ready to leave and finish this unpleasant business."

Another pause. Then I heard Amelia's voice. "Let me go, you traitors and bandits!"

"We should have left her asleep," Benedick commented. "Blake! Get over here and help me hold her! Damn it! Why did I leave my grieves at the castle?"

"Lina Inverse..." Amelia began.

"Lina Inverse is not here, Princess," this Orianna person said. "Nor will she be -- at least, while you're alive. The next time she'll see you is as a corpse in a 'magic circle' dedicated to Maijin Zoalmegustar. So stop struggling, and we'll try to make your death painless and quick."

To hell with discretion and planning... "_Levitation_!" I launched myself into the air. Sighting through the window, I let a Flare Arrow fly at the nearest figure inside that was not Amelia. 

"_Freeze Arrow_!" Someone from inside countered my spell. "Lady Orianna..."

"I know..." I heard a struggle and a cry from Amelia, then a blonde woman stuck her head out the window. One arm was wrapped around Amelia and the other was holding a knife to her throat, so close it was nearly drawing blood. Amelia was holding very still, a look of terror on her face. 

"Sailoon sorcerer," Orianna called out the window. "Throw down your weapons and come out where we can see you. And do so in a prompt manner, or you will be the one to explain to Crown Prince Philionel how you let his daughter die."

My mind rushed through all of the spells I knew. Most of them would hurt Amelia as well as her captor or would give her captor enough time to slit her throat. None of them would help. "Well, it doesn't look like I have much of a choice." Sighing, I wedged my sword and dagger in the crook of a tree branch, where I could retrieve them later, and flew over to the window. I raised my hands, showing I was unarmed. 

"Remove your cloak and come inside," Orianna ordered me. Not seeing much choice in the manner, I unclasped my cloak, draping it over my arm, and landed on the window still, letting my eyes adjust before stepping inside. 

"Check for weapons," Orianna ordered. Benedick and Blake came forward and I let myself get patted down by those two. 

"Nothing," Benedick reported. "Should we do a strip search?"

"It shouldn't be necessary," Orianna said. "Faye, keep a spell ready just in case, though."

"Yes, ma'am."

I regarded the other woman in the room. She wore sorceress's garb -- the more utilitarian version favored by Lina and Amelia, rather than the black leather look. Her face looked familiar. Wait a minute... she was one of the palace servants, the one who had given Amelia the letter yesterday.

"I'm surprised you managed to infiltrate so many of your people into the palace staff," I commented. "But, you do seem to be professionals. Weapons merchants, correct? Is business so slow that you need to start a war between Sailoon and Xoana by framing Xoana's state religion for Amelia's murder?"

Orianna laughed. "You're smart, chimera. A credit to your creator. I'd offer you a job, except I don't think I could trust you. But tell me this. I wasn't aware Sailoon made chimeras..."

"They don't. It showed up one day, and has been following the princess around ever since, like a puppy or something," Faye commented

"Don't you dare call Mister Zelgadis 'it'!" Amelia yelled. "He's a person, not a thing!"

Her captors ignored her. Faye started circling me, an appraising look in her eyes. "Whoever made it did a superb job. No seams or anything... though that's just a guess. I can't really tell while it's wearing clothing. Its creator is probably dead -- why else would it be wandering?" I gave her a look of disgust, but said nothing. 

"You can indulge in your hobbies later, Faye," Orianna told her. "Right now we have a war to start. As for the chimera... it would be difficult to dispose of it and still keep up the facade -- Xoana has few sorcerers and I'm guessing it would take magic to kill it. Perhaps a long sea voyage to the Outer World will do it good."

"No," I told her. "You're killing Amelia over my dead body."

"How sweet," Orianna laughed derisively. "Feel lucky we're not, chimera."

"Seems a shame to get rid of it," Faye mused. "I know, given a few hours in my lab, I could reverse-engineer it. It's pretty easy with chimeras, since magic can circumvent the laws of biology only so much."

"Reverse-engineer... hmm... you really think you can?" Orianna looked thoughtful. 

"How hard can it be?" Faye said confidently. "There are only so many ways you can alter a human base using magic."

"I see..." Orianna turned back towards me. "Very well, chimera, I give you a choice: We can go ahead with our previous plan, or we can let Faye dissect you. We won't need the princess then -- we'll just hold her until Faye is finished with your body, then leave her somewhere where Sailoon will find her."

"You won't get away with that!" Amelia yelled, probably almost instinctively -- she reads a lot of books. "Sailoon will hunt you down for this and bring you to Justice. Besides, why are you so interested in Mister Zelgadis?"

"Many kingdoms have armies of peasants as foot soldiers, Princess. Mostly for cannon fodder -- who cares about peasants? They would be the perfect base for a chimera division to any kingdom's army. For that, a kingdom would be willing to protect us from Sailoon's wrath."

The sheer audacity... my own cursed fate shared by hundreds of people... "You monster..."

"Rather ironic, coming from you," Orianna said. "Hurry and decide, chimera."

"Zelgadis..." Amelia began. She didn't finish. She didn't need to. I knew she would tell to go warn her father, rat on these unjust people, don't worry about what will happen to her, and save myself. She probably even thought she meant it. But what would be the point of that? I was losing my humanity, my life, bit by bit. Better that she live than I exist, a mere shell of what I used to be. I reached for my canteen, removing her bracelet. The guards went for their swords before seeing what I had taken out. "Amelia..." I pressed it into her hands. Realizing this would be the last time I would ever see her, I leaned down and gave her a brief kiss on the cheek. "Don't cry. And, remember me, okay?" I stepped back, towards Faye. "I'm ready. Where's this lab of yours?"

Orianna nodded. "Very well... Blake, Benedick, take the princess somewhere secure until Faye is finished." The two guards grabbed Amelia by the arms. Amelia, once she was free from Orianna and her knife, started struggling and yelling, "I won't let you do this to Mister Zelgadis! Don't worry, Zelgadis! I'll find a way to save you." It took both men to get her out of the door.

"Follow me," Faye led me down the hall to a room that was equipped as a makeshift laboratory. Various chemicals and preserved bits of animals lined one wall. Books lined the other. A metal examination table large enough for a grown man stood in the center. Faye grabbed a notebook off of a desk in the corner and handed it to Orianna, who had followed us in. "Lady Orianna, would you record my observations? It would speed up the process."

"Very well," Orianna took the notebook and took a seat at the desk. 

"Chimera," Faye addressed me. 

"I have a name, you know," I snapped back. 

"Chimera, remove your clothing."

"Why?"

"Failure to do as she says will null our contract," Orianna informed me from the corner. "That will force us to fall back on our other plan."

I sighed and started stripping, folding each item of clothing neatly and setting it on the examination table. 

Faye looked at me after I had stopped. "Underclothing as well."

"You don't need to see that!" I protested. 

Orianna stood up and started walking towards the door. 

"Fine... I get the point," I removed the last bit of cloth on my body, then picked up the bundle of clothing, holding it in front of me to preserve what little modesty I had left. 

"Note the subject shows a remarkable simulacrum of human emotions -- embarrassment at being exposed around those it regards at the opposite sex, anger, even a form of devotion to a person that the uneducated would mistake as love," Faye dictated. "Note also that the last one overrides its self-preservation instincts. New paragraph."

Faye pried the bundle of clothing from my hands, setting it aside, then started circling me again, looking me up and down. I shivered under her stare -- I hate being treated like a monster or a thing, and she was doing a damn good job of it -- even refusing to dignify me with the pronoun 'he' or my proper name.

Faye started dictating again. "Subject appears to be a seamless mix of rock golem, human, and some sort of demon. Its creator was obviously possessing both a great deal of knowledge of chimeras and a great deal of magical power." She paused. "Lie down." She gestured to the examining table. Not seeing much of a choice, I did so. I shivered again -- the table was cold and sterile, obviously not designed for the subject's comfort. 

Faye walked over to the shelves of chemicals. She removed several vials and a complicated oilskin arrangement. It looked like a mask designed to fit over a person's nose and mouth, attached to a pouch of some sort. Straps were added to hold it to a person's face. She added the chemicals to the pouch, one by one. "Because I lack restraints strong enough to hold the subject for a live dissection, I will be forced to euthanize it prior to the dissection." She pinched the pouch shut, holding it away from her, then approached the table. "Raise your head."

So this is it... goodbye, cruel world. A part of me always figured I'd die like this -- alone and as a monster. Looking for a cure... how foolish when I was so quick to internalize my status as a freak. Maybe I was always a monster on the inside. Stupid of me to think I could change that. 

Faye slipped the mask around my mouth and nose, tying the straps so tightly they dug into my skin. The acrid fumes of the chemicals burned the inside of my nose and mouth, causing me to cough and inhale more of the poison gas. I saw my vision start to blur and fade... it's probably better this way... my death frees Amelia from her silly crush on me. She'll find happiness with someone else.

Somehow that doesn't comfort me...

I thought I heard something in the hall... Lina and Gourry, with the guards... they'll take care of Amelia... she'll be safe. I couldn't fight it any longer... I slipped out of consciousness.


	6. 5: Clever Amelia

**Chapter 5**

Clever Amelia

I struggled against my captors. I had never felt so useless in my whole life -- not even when Hellmaster Phibrizzo had kidnapped Mister Gourry. At least then, I knew Miss Lina would handle things -- with our help, of course. Here, I was alone and Zelgadis was counting on me. Everything was up to me, and I couldn't even handle a few guards without my spells. Some Champion of Justice I was...

Zelgadis... I tried not to cry, like he had told me, but it was hard. He had seemed so despondent in our final moments together, like he was beyond caring if he lived or died. But... he had kissed me... was he doing this out of depression... or out of love?

Either way, I had to save him. Regardless of how he felt about me, I loved him. At first I thought it was just a crush -- a classic case of a good but naive girl falling for someone so different from her sheltered upbringing. But, if that were the case, wouldn't these feelings stop once he left me after defeating Dark Star?

I again tried to break the guard's grip on me, the images of the chimeras I had seen in Copy Rezo's lab in my head. I had commented to Miss Lina and Mister Gourry back then about what kind of person would toy with a human life like that. Now I knew -- if you stopped viewing your creation as a living, feeling being, you could do whatever you wanted to it, without remorse. That must be why Zelgadis hated Rezo so much, not for turning him into a chimera, but for not considering his own wishes... that was why I was so surprised Zelgadis had accepted this unjust offer.

I had to rescue him, if only to remind him someone still sees him as a human being.

I heard footsteps ahead of us. The guards stopped, reaching for their swords.

"Freeze, bandits," a very familiar voice ordered. 

"Miss Lina! Mister Gourry!"

Miss Lina stepped forward out of the gloom in the hall. "Now... we can do this two ways. There's the easy way, in which you give us Amelia, and I don't beat you into the ground, and, then," she smiled dangerously, "there's the fun way." Blake stepped forward, drawing his sword. "I'm not afraid of a sorceress, even if she is the Dra-mata."

"What did you call me?" Flames burned in Miss Lina's eyes. "_Flare Arrow_!" Blake now had more to worry about than me... like putting out his clothing.

"Idiot," Benedick muttered. "Well, well, Miss Inverse. Your reputation lives up to itself -- both your spellcasting and your temper. But you can't do anything to me while I have the princess as my little human shield."

"That's true," Miss Lina conceded. She winked at me. I saw a yellow and blue blur rush past me. Taking Miss Lina's cue, I elbowed my captor backward into the waiting arms of Mister Gourry. 

"Got him!" Mister Gourry said. 

"Good. Turn him over to the guards," Miss Lina gestured to several Sailoon Palace Guards who had apparently come with them. 

"Right," Gourry herded Benedick and Blake, who had finally extinguished his clothing, towards the guards. 

"All in a day's work for the beautiful sorcery genius, Lina Inverse," Lina nodded satisfactory. "Hey, where's Zelgadis? We couldn't have beaten him here."

"Miss Lina!" I wailed, trying to get her attention. "We have to save him!"

"Who? Zel?"

I nodded. "They were gonna kill me and start a war, and then Mister Zelgadis showed up and tried to save me, but there were too many for him, and he wasn't expecting a sorceress, so he said he'd let their sorceress dissect him for research if they promised not to hurt me, and we gotta save him!" I'm not sure how much of that Miss Lina actually understood -- I was nearly hysterical and choking back sobs.

"Okay, calm down, Amelia. Did you see where they took him?" Miss Lina put her arm around my shoulders. 

"No," I shook my head. 

"Well, we'll just have to look in every room," Miss Lina started opening doors. Mister Gourry took the other side of the hall. Half of the guards they had brought led the prisoners outside; the other half followed us. 

The third door Mister Gourry opened proved to be the charm -- a Freeze Arrow nearly hit him. Miss Lina was ready -- "_Digger Volt_!" She strode though the open door. We followed. 

It certainly looked like a lab. I saw Faye collapsed on the floor, and Orianna seated by the door. She lifted her hand, going for the sword at her hip. "I don't think so," Gourry pointed his own sword at her.

"Zelgadis!" He was just lying there, like a statue. Or a corpse. He looked like a butterfly pinned to a naturalist's display case. It didn't help that, from the way Faye and Orianna had been talking about him, I knew they regarded Zelgadis as little more than an insect.

I ran over to his body. He had something covering the lower part of his face. I practically tore it off and bent down to check his breathing. 

He was still breathing, a shallow rasp I could barely detect. I could smell something on his breath. "Poison. Miss Lina, do you know Dicleary?"

Miss Lina walked over to me. "No... usually I'm with someone who knows it. If not you, Sylphiel or Filia or even my old traveling companion. She knew Dicleary -- it cured her hangovers. Why don't you cast it?"

"It's that time of the month." I started to panic. Zelgadis was barley breathing, and each breath he did take was so slow and laborious, I feared it would be his last. 

"Hey," Gourry gestured at Orianna. "What'd you do to Zel?"

"Nothing... Faye did everything," she answered levelly.

"Who?"

"Her." Orianna pointed to the body on the floor. 

I tried to think. Normally, when Miss Lina and/or I had 'that time of the month', we could depend on Zelgadis for spells, provided the danger wasn't so great to require Miss Lina's powerful spells or my stronger white magic. 

I tried to think of other times we were in trouble and couldn't use magic -- learn from experience. Nothing came to mind... except... Miss Lina had had her magic sealed by one of Chaos Dragon King Gaav's servants for a while. That was when she bought her Demon's Blood Talisman's off of Mister Xellos. I remembered they let her cast spells, including a limited amount of white magic that she knew, even with her powers sealed. 

"Miss Lina, give me your Demon's Blood Talismans."

"_What_?"

"Not for keeps. I just need to borrow them."

Miss Lina began to remove them. "I'm not even sure if they work anymore, since we defeated Dark Star."

"We have to try something. He'll die if we don't do anything."

"Fine. Just don't blame yourself. Whatever happens, this is not your fault, Amelia." She handed me the talismans. I slipped the two on my wrists, then clipped the third to my dress's waistline, looping the final one around my neck. I tried not to worry, but... damn it, this _was_ my fault, regardless of what Miss Lina said. If Zelgadis hadn't tried to rescue me, he'd be safe... and I would be dead, and Sailoon would be at war. 

Focus, Amelia. Remember your shrine maiden training Right now, there is no doubt, no worry, no recriminations. There is only you and your patient. I began to chant the spell to activate the talismans, as I had seen Miss Lina do countless times before: "_Lords of Darkness of the Four Worlds, I call upon you: Grant me all the power you possess._" I felt the talismans activate. Suddenly, I felt my magic return to me. I could do this. I could save him. "_Dicleary._" I touched my hands to his bare chest, willing the poison that had permitted his body out. 

Was it working? I had felt the spell go off, but it could be too late. There was no way I could manage a Resurrection spell, even with the talismans. Not only was it that time of the month, I was also still recovering from being unconscious myself. Normally I wouldn't try casting spells at all, but this was an emergency.

"Zelgadis," I whispered, half to him, half to myself. "Don't die. Don't leave me. You hear me, Zelgadis Graywords?" My voice rose in volume and pitch, startling the others in the room. "Don't you leave me! Not like Mommy... or Gracia... or Uncle Randy and Cousin Alfred." I practically collapsed and had to lean on the table to remain standing. I felt the tears start flowing in earnest now, running down my cheeks.

Something brushed my hand. I looked down to see Zelgadis's fingers moving, touching mine. "Zelgadis?"

He opened his eyes. Never was I so happy to see those slate eyes looking at me. He smiled weakly. "I'd make some crack about heaven and angels, but I think that would be cliche."

"Zelgadis!" I would have hugged him, if he wasn't still lying down. "You're alive! Do you know how worried you were making me? What gave you the idea to go charging in there alone? If Miss Lina and Mister Gourry weren't right behind you, you'd be dead right now. Not that I don't appreciate it," I said quickly. "You were very heroic and noble, just like all those princes and heroes out of the story books. But, for the sake of all that's holy, Zelgadis, you scared me when I wasn't sure if my Dicleary spell would be in time. Don't do that again."

"Um... Zel... this is when you say 'yes ma'am' and shut up," Mister Gourry offered.

Zelgadis looked like he was about to retort. He tried to sit up, but he started coughing and had to lie back down again. "You're still weak," I scolded him. "All I did was remove the poison... your body still needs time to heal."

"Yes, ma'am." He shut up. 

"I have to get back to the castle. Daddy is probably worried sick about me. I'll take the guards... even with their prisoners, they'll be enough of an escort. You rest. Miss Lina, make sure he doesn't strain himself and use Recovery if he relapses." I stood up. "Oh, better return these," I took off the talismans, set them down, and headed for the door. "See you, Miss Lina, Mister Gourry, Zelgadis."

Miss Lina was poking around the room. She held up a bundle. "Hey, Zel? Don't you think you'll be wanting these?" The bundle turned out to be his clothing. 

I stared. I had been so worried about his state of health, I hadn't consciously realized his state of dress... or lack thereof. Part of me satisfactorily noted, so that's what a naked man looks like. The rest of me was busy running from the room before Miss Lina could see how red my face had turned. 


	7. 6: Zelgadis by the Campfire

**Chapter 6**

Zelgadis by the Campfire

By evening, I was feeling well enough to actually walk around without passing out. I even managed to eat some of Lina's fish-on-a-stick. Not much, but, then again, when you eat with Lina and Gourry, unless you want to join in the fight for your dinner, you won't get much anyway.

"You know, Zel," Lina said, once she and Gourry had finished decimating the fish population of the area, "for a knight in shining armor, you sure are pathetic. We come charging in after you, expecting to see you fighting the bandits or wrapping up the situation on your own, and we find you naked, lying on a table, half-dead."

"Shut up, Lina." I told her. "It could have gone better, but I did do what I set out to."

"Why'd you do it anyway?"

"Do what?" I said, not quite sure what _it_ was.

"It wasn't like they held you down and tried to poison you. Amelia said they gave you a choice. Her life or yours." 

"They were going to start a war..." I said half-heartedly, hoping she'd buy that as my excuse. Lina, why can't you stop asking questions, especially ones I don't want to tell you the answers to? Bad enough that Amelia managed to catch me off guard... I don't want everybody and their dog knowing my personal problems. 

Lina, however, was a better judge of my character than I thought. "Since when do you care about local politics? You're a wanderer. Besides, those people wanted to dissect you, and I doubt it was for the betterment of mankind." 

"It wasn't" I grimaced at the memories she was bringing up. The choice had been the right one, I knew that, but I still had felt so... so detached about it. Like it was happening to someone else. That had just fueled my depression and despair -- if I couldn't be bothered about my own death, how could I show any sort of human emotion at all? "They were planning on using whatever they learned to try to go into the chimera-making business. Mostly as foot soldiers for armies."

"Could they do that?" Gourry asked. I hadn't even realized he was listening. "If it were that easy, wouldn't we see more people like Zel running around?"

"I don't know." I told him. "I've never found any information on how Rezo created my body. Whatever notes he left were lost when Kopii Rezo destroyed Sairaag and Rezo's lab there. It has to be relatively difficult, though. That two-bit sorceress they had trying to dissect me would never have figured it our on her own. Not without years of research." I said the last bit with a cocky half smile, trying to boost my mood out of the depression of the memory. 

"And if she did?" Lina asked. "You're full of it, Zel... you have no idea how much she knew about chimera-making. So what if she did know what she was doing? You never shut up about how much you hate being a chimera. So, you'd be willing to give those people the knowledge to duplicate your fate a thousandfold?"

"It's better than seeing people die... which is what would happen if Sailoon and Xoana fought a war. Don't let my talk fool you, Lina -- living as a monster may be an awful fate, but it's better than dying. If I agreed, only one person had to die, and it was the one person I could speak for."

"I didn't think you were the self-sacrificing type, Zel," Gourry said.

"Yeah, whatever happened to the cold-hearted sorcerer swordsman we all knew and loved?" Lina asked snidely. 

"Maybe I finally found something worth dying for," I retorted. 

"Or someone," Gourry said, in that off-hand way of his.

Lina smirked. "Thought so."

"You two are seeing things," I told them. 

"Really?" Lina asked, a skeptical look on her face. "Why else would you do that?"

"I _told_ you already," I said impatiently. 

"Like I believe _that_," Lina said, with a sound of disgust, as if there was no way she'd fall for a story that simple. "You gave the kind of answer that comes right out of the stereotypical hero textbook. Something you are most certainly not."

I sighed. She wasn't going to let me drop the subject until I told her. "You wouldn't understand. You're human."

"Try me, Zel. You know Amelia -- she'll be convinced you did it because you've been hiding feelings of true love from her. Amelia's a romantic. And if you can't convince me, you'll never convince her."

I sighed. Lina was right -- Amelia _would_ think that. And it had been for Amelia, even if it wasn't out of love, but a desire to make my life... or at least, my death... mean something. If I had known I was going to survive, I wouldn't have kissed her. It's just going to make an already difficult situation worse. Thinking about it, it would have been easier if I had died. "Fine. I'll tell you. Amelia already knows this." I sighed again. How to say this. Best just to be direct. "I think I'm losing my humanity."

"You still look the same," Gourry pointed out. "You haven't grown any extra rocks or anything."

"Not physically. Mentally. Emotionally." 

Lina stared. And stared. Then she burst out laughing. She slapped me on the back -- very carefully, so she didn't hurt her hand -- like I had told a sidesplitting joke. "Sure, Zel."

"It's not funny!" I practically screamed at her. "Here I am, turning into something no better than a demon or mazoku and all you can do is laugh your head off? Some friend you are. Help me out here, Gourry." I looked towards the swordsman, trying to enlist his aid in getting Lina to see the seriousness of the situation.

"Don't you think you're overreacting, Zel?" Gourry asked. So much for that idea.

"No." I turned my back on them. I thought these people would understand -- they were supposed to be my friends... I mean, I've complained about some stupid things before, but when I'm actually seriously concerned over something, I'd expect at least a hint of sympathy. Stupid Lina... stupid Gourry... at least Amelia was sympathetic when I told her. Instead of laughing, she went out of her way to help me. "I told you two you wouldn't understand."

"You know, Zel," Lina shook her head, "you can be a real moron sometimes."

"And what do you mean by _that_?" If I wasn't still recovering I'd leave them both here and walk off. Hell, I was tempted to do it anyway.

Gourry stood up. "I think I'm gonna go for a walk. I thought I heard something. Cheer up, Zel." 

Seeing he was gone, Lina took another fish from the coals of the fire and bit into it thoughtfully. "You know, Zel, it's only natural for the living to wish to remain so... Milgasia told me that when we were looking for the Clair Bible. About the most altruistic you get is defending one's family. Except for humans."

"What about mazoku? I've seen Xellos endanger his life in fights plenty of times," I pointed out.

"Because he was forced into it... or his mistress ordered him to. Blood ties... or whatever passes for mazoku blood. Only humans are selfless enough to die for someone or something they love."

"So, what exactly are you saying? That I love Amelia?" I asked, trying to pin her down to a direct statement. Damn it, Lina, if you have something to say, say it!

"Idiot..." Lina sighed. "Why do you think you did it? Sometimes, Zel, I'd rather deal with Gourry. At least he understands what goes on in his own head, even if I wonder sometimes if he understands anything else."

"Because," I closed my eyes contemplatively. "Because I couldn't stand the thought of her dying. She has so much to live for. I have nothing."

"So... you would let that _woman_ take you apart, reduce you to your most basic components until there was nothing left of the human Zelgadis Graywords, all in the name of keeping Amelia alive, and yet... and yet you won't admit that the possibility even _exists_ that you have feelings for the girl?" Lina was practically screaming at me... I'm sure Gourry heard it. Hell, Amelia probably heard it from Sailoon. She sat down again... hard. "MEN!"

I stood up. "Hey, Zel. Where are you going?" I didn't answer her. I needed to think about what she had said. As much as I hated to admit it, she had a point. Her words struck a chord with me. Was it possible Amelia had kindled feelings I never knew I had? True, she was a kind, supportive and giving person, and accepted me as I was... and had a crush on me... and was good-looking, rich and royalty to boot. 

I nearly ran into Gourry on my way outside of our campsite. He looked like he had been listening... probably to see when it was safe to come back to the campsite once Hurricane Lina had blown itself out. "Hey, Zel, where are you going?" he repeated the question Lina had asked me.

"I need to think," I told him. I was about to walk away, but something was nagging me. "Hey... Gourry?"

"Yeah?"

"Why did you bet against Lina? About the reason I came back to Sailoon?"

"Well," Gourry snuck a guilty look back towards the campsite. "I thought it was about time. You could use some female company, Zel." He grinned, almost innocently, but there was a gleam in his eye. Probably why he didn't want Lina to hear. "Like you and Lina, you mean?"

Gourry laughed, almost embarrassedly, "I guess so. All I'm saying, Zel, is that if you find someone that you want to protect... so much you are willing to give up your life, your stuff, _everything_... you should stay with them."

"I see... thanks, Gourry." I turned around and headed into the night. 


	8. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

AmeliaÕs Denouement

"You _lost_ Mister Zelgadis?" I paced in front of a sheepish looking Miss Lina and Mister Gourry.

Miss Lina grinned uneasily. "Not exactly _lost_..."

"He wandered off..." Mister Gourry pointed out. 

"He'll turn up sooner or later," Miss Lina tried to reassure me. "You still have his stuff."

"Why did he Ôwander off' anyway?" I asked them. "He was still recovering."

"Um..." Miss Lina sweatdropped. "He and I were talking and I guess I was a little insulting..."

"You called him a moron," Mister Gourry said. 

"Miss Lina!"

"Well, look at the time... the all-you-can-eat-for-a-silver-piece restaurant is opening. And Gourry and I haven't been there yet! Come on, Jellyfish Brains!" Miss Lina dashed out the door, practically dragging Mister Gourry behind her. 

"Miss Lina, get back here!" When yelling after her proved fruitless, I sighed. I was worried about Zelgadis. He had been so depressed recently. And he had been willing to give up his life just yesterday -- even if it was to prevent a war and my death. I really didn't want to think about him being alone out there in the world, especially after a fight with Miss Lina. I had been walking aimlessly though the palace. I stopped, hearing the faint strains of music... Who could be playing? I followed the sounds, pausing at intersections to divine which way to go.

It led me to one of the gardens, the one Zelgadis and I had worked in on his second day here. And whom did I find there but Zelgadis himself? He was seated on a bench, a guitar resting on his lap. His hands danced over the strings, producing the music I had heard.

"Zelgadis? How did you get in here?"

Hr looked up "Servants' entrance in the back. Most people don't think about it, and most of the staff recognizes me on sight. Benefit of being a chimera, I guess."

"Oh... you worried me. Miss Lina said she lost track of you and I wasn't sure you were coming back."

He looked down. "Sorry..." he muttered.

"So..." I sat down next to him. "I don't really have anything planned for your sensitivity training tomorrow, but..."

"That's all right, Amelia. I'm done with it."

"You are?" I asked, disappointed. Would he be leaving again, then? I didn't want him to leave. In truth, I had been having fun spending time with him, and I thought he had too. "But we were making so much progress! You're not giving up, are you?"

"I'm not giving up," Zelgadis confirmed. "Amelia... answer honestly... do you really think I need it?"

"Well..." I paused, thinking about how to answer him. "I really liked spending time with you, Zelgadis, but..."

"You don't think so, do you?"

I shook my head. "I never noticed what you were so worried about... if anything, I think you've gotten better since I've met you. You might act cold to people who don't know you, but you're a wonderful friend, Zelgadis."

He nodded. "I see..."

"I'm sorry... am I missing the point again?"

"No, I don't think you are. Lina and Gourry said much the same thing... though much less tactfully. Apparently the only one who thought I has a problem was me..." he paused, a reflective look on his face. 

"So... if you're done with this, what are you going to do now?' He's going to leave, he's going to look for his cure. 

"Well..." Zelgadis still was looking thoughtful. "I still haven't checked out all of the libraries here..."

"And then?"

He was silent for a while. "Well... I've been travelling for a while... Come to think about it, I can't remember when I lived in one place..."

I listened, curious to where he was going with this. "Go on."

"Well... I was thinking... people will do anything for a large amount of money... and I have a decent amount saved up from all of the ruins I've explored. Maybe I could offer a reward for information about my cure... get people besides my friends and myself keeping an eye out. I'd have to stay in one place for that, though..."

"Like in Sailoon?" I asked hopefully.

He nodded. "Where else would someone like me actually be able to make friends with the neighbors?"

"That's wonderful news, Zelgadis!" I threw my arms around him in a hug.

"You're not calling me Mister Zelgadis any more," he noted.

"Oh, well..." I stared at the ground a bit uncomfortably. "Well, I just assumed since you..."

"Since I kissed you, we were beyond the formality stage," he finished. I nodded. 

"So... where does that leave us, if you're staying here for a while?"

"I don't know how long I'm staying... I don't know if this will really work."

"Living in Sailoon or... us?"

"Both. But I'm willing to give them a shot."

"That's all I needed to hear, Zelgadis."


End file.
